At noon one day just out of the blue with nothing else better to do

I went for a walk in my neck of the woods, with my head in the clouds, for as long as I could

 

I met a man who was blue in the face.

His white elephant had broken all over the place.

I confess I tried to turn a blind eye.

With crocodile tears, he started to cry.

 

Cat got your tongue? He inquired of me. 

Cool as a cucumber, I bent on one knee.

Hold your horses, I said with a smile.

I’ll help you tidy up, but it may take quite a while.

 

This is no piece of cake, and pardon my French.

But son of a b____, as we sat on a bench.

We took a break just to chew the fat.

From where do you come? And what the heck is that?

 

Put a sock in it, fella, he said to me. 

I’m a little under the weather as you can see.

This here was a contraption of many perks.

But now this throws a wrench in the works.

 

Just then it started raining cats and dogs. 

We said what’s next? Locusts and Frogs?

Could this be good luck, I asked with a sigh. 

He responded in the negative, when pigs fly.

 

It’s brass monkeys out, with a shiver he claimed.

Both of us will never be the same.

After all of this, we were as thick as thieves.

The contraption is still broken, my friend grieved.

 

This thing is dead as a doornail, he cracked.

It’s a few cans shy of a six-pack.

He said that if he were to kick the bucket, in fact…

That would be the pot calling the kettle black.

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Footnote: This was an experiment trying to use as many idioms in a poem as possible. How many can you find?  I counted 24, but I might have missed one. Sometimes, I wonder if this would be a useful educational tool for foreign students.